I welcome the sit

Note: everyone is healthy!!!! Everyone. Steve got elective surgery for acid reflux. He has more sexy battle wounds. 

Written: Friday, June 10th

I’m back. 
Back In the room of waiting and I have to tell you oddly home like.
The dings. The alarms. The chairs. Sunk right back into them. 

And I see that they got rid of that clock. It did in the end get freed. Good for you clock.

It’s slower here. I forgot that part. 

I mean it’s life and death (literally) but in a slow comforting way that I’ve become to feel at home with.  It is the only place you can see all of life from beginning to end. Maybe this is the real matrix. Keanu you had it wrong. No ship required. It’s right here in the fluorescent light and purell scented rooms of your local hospital. All past, present, and future in one place.   Turns out you don’t need to go fast to see it, you need to go slow. 

It is actually quite easy.
Just sit.

I forgot all about the feeling of waiting. I only recall hating it and feeling captive to it. Like years of life stripping away. Every tic and toc a reminder that my family is captive. But not this time. It oddly was welcoming. 

I was back in old routines. 

I noticed people’s flair. I watched my neighbors. Wondering the stories behind each of their sits. Are they like Steve, getting a elective small procedure? Or are they waiting for the biopsy to know if your husband has weeks to live.

I’ve played both roles and at some point sat in each one of those chairs. 

But its not the chairs that reminded me of home, it was the simplicity. You sit. One task. While it can be excruciating, it is still singular. You sit because you don’t have any where else to go. Your job is to sit. Nothing more. And the sit is honored. No one comes up to you. No one asks for anything. You will sit next to someone for hours and never know their name. 

There are not multiple things to react to or for my not have even time to react to. Lately that’s how I feel. I feel like I’m being slapped back and forth and before my eyes can refocus, BAND another slap so life is just a haze.

I mean wow do you react when the next day something even more horrific is happening? How can you attend the multiple fires when you just saw the first fire and are only in your pajamas! 

Roe vs. Wade
Mass shootings
School Shootings
And betrayal
And betrayal
So much betrayal
So much pain

But in the hospital you never have to worry about those things. 

So I sit. 

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