Nightwing

First time ever I’ve ever seen anything from Jacob about his cancer. Here is a piece he wrote for school, grade 4.

Personal Narrative:  Cancer

It was three years ago and I was five years old and from all I know it was just a normal weekend. Until I had a doctor’s appointment! So I just got to the doctor and the second the doctor came in he was extremely surprised. So he started examining me and after less than half an hour I was sent to the hospital. So I go to the hospital to check in and have no idea of what’s happening. 

I was very calm until I saw the biggest needle of my life! Oh and did I tell you it was an IV and I had got five of them in my stomach? After that I’m on the ground screaming my lungs out and I was very young back then so it wasn’t that hard to persuade me.

Turned out I had constipation well at least we thought I did. It turned out I had constipation and cancer! Surprisingly i was feeling great because when you get cancer at an age so young you can’t understand it you just like a long weekend. I didn’t get cancer for another year. After immunotherapy, radiation, camino therapy and many more for another two years and when I was done I had quite a story to tell. 

I wrote my bar mitzvah speech for Benno years ago. It came so clearly to me one evening what my wish for the man he is becoming would be. I just reread it and it still holds true. 

While many speeches of becoming a man focus on responsibility and this rite of passage to adulthood and all the demands it comes with, I focused on the exact opposite, I focused on childhood magic as that remains my wish for him. I don’t wish for him to grow up, he’s done that. I wish for him to grow BACK.

I wish for him pure confidence and joy that only a child can have. I want him to break all the rules. I want him to roll down the hill with abandon (not fear of a broken arm). I wish for stupid mistakes and careless decisions. I wish for expulsions from school for goofing off. I wish for only “naughty” things.

As many of you know, Benno suffers from a generalized anxiety disorder. I wish I could use cancer as the excuse for this, but no, Benno was diagnosed before cancer. He came out the womb not looking at the world with wonder, but as if he had been here before, and knew…this place is no wonder. 

While other babies would reach for any reachable object to just push straight into their mouths, delighted by the new “thing” and wanting to explore all of it (even its taste), Benno looked at new objects with only concern, “is this dangerous?” I never had to worry about him grabbing something and just shoving it in his mouth.  At first this was a welcomed sign- brilliance!

While other toddlers explored the world through crawling and scooting about trying to get to new unexplored places (“Oh look stairs! Where do those go?”), Benno stayed put and only would explore places deemed safe by his toddler brain.

When playing with my four year old “firetruck,” he did not save the day by putting out the fire in Elmo’s house, but often he would “run out of gas” or there would be “traffic!” and Elmo would burn. I’m not kidding. 

And as a 12 year old as children play flashlight wars and joke, Benno fears he will lose his sight from a flashlight going straight into his eyes.

And I write because I’m sad. I’m sad that he has a whole life of traffic ahead. Adulthood is traffic and that these years should be an Eazy pass. He should be cruising through the HOV lane of life. I see him struggle. I see his “adult like” tinted glasses and want to rip them off as those tints should only be for the jaded, the adults who have seen how dark life can be.

I know that it can be hard seeing your kids grow up. Seeing your kids learn that the greater world does not abide by the simple rules of the sandbox. That can be hard, but watching them never have it…that is worse.

I got to check off a bucket list item. 

I helped an old lady with her groceries. Legit that happened.

It was just like the movies. You help an old lady carry her groceries/ get home and in return she will give you some sage advice that changes your life.

In NYC this is not a common experience. If you see a woman who is struggling with groceries and approach her she is more likely to hit you with them before allowing you to help. I have never been successful with this bucket item. Even once told, “Do I look like I am struggling? I don’t need your goddamn help!” Alrighty…

But today I scored an acceptance and in return got the wisdom of a new MacNCheese recipe. It wasn’t the secret to happiness, or is carbs really the secret…maybe.

And I write to remember.

That the universe will give you what you need. Disappointment only comes from failed expectations of what you think you need. You may not get the secret to life, but you will get something. Life will hand you exactly what you need. It is up to you to understand why you need it.And it is up to us to say yes even when it seems totally contradictory.

Recently life has been serving up some odd plates.

I am hanging with a new crew.  All of my crew has been diagnosed with rare incurable cancers and given months to live. It is not the lightest of topics nor a common way to spend your days, but it has turned out to be a fucking honor. 

Yes. A real honor. 

And I hear you…is this a healthy way to spend your days? Isn’t this a BAD idea? Aren’t you dealing with your own PTSD? 

All those concerns make a lot of sense, but yet here I am. And while they come to me for council/ advice on alternative treatments or for just a general listening ear as someone who understands the healthcare system, it is ME who is learning. Learning about what is important. Learning about regret. Learning about what it means to be human.

So a big thank you to my new crew who is going to defy the odds and for allowing me to carry their “groceries.”

Steve and I were looking for a place to set up camp. We had decided to go to burning man this year without friends or a camp to call home. We were riding solo.

So the plan was No Plan.

We would just show up and find a place to park the RV we rented, which according to the rules is allowed. However, once there, it was confusing as to what land had been “grabbed,” what land was parcel of an official “camp,” and what was open parking. Twice we stopped at an open parcel of land and asked neighbors if we could set up there, but were told it was taken. 

We felt a bit lost and driving a freaking RV is not easy. So we were feeling a bit low, until attempt number three. When I approached Mandy I asked him if the land next to him was open. He informed me that it was part of a camp.

Ugh. I asked for advice on where to park to set up for camp. He asked what camp we were at. Internal voice getting worried: Are we the only people who are doing this?  Is not being part of a camp that big a deal?! 

I embarrassingly told him we were “campless. That it is just the two of us.”

Welcome Home he said and bear hugged me. He immediately helped us back the RV into his camp. He did not ask us for a dollar or anything (as there are usually dues). He just welcomed us to our new home, “Last Minute Camp.” A camp of all strangers who plan things last minute. As usual the playa provided and we were in the perfect place. This is exactly where we should be. How perfect. We are surrounded by our own people. They too were on the no plan plan. And the camp was like everything at burning man, a spectrum, a rainbow. A spectrum of people that we would NEVER have met in the real world.

The ages ranged from 28 to mid 50’s, with multiple ethnicities, and the socio-economic backgrounds went from homeless to Steve and I. But none of that mattered, we were a family and took care of each other.

Upon arrival, our RV broke. We would have ZERO electricity and air.  It felt weird to complain as most of our camp was tenting and had no access to such luxuries, but they didn’t judge our disappointment, instead they helped us fix it. 

During the burn we supported each other without ANY expectation of reciprocation. We bandaged each other’s wounds (literally), we made each other meals, we sat and listened to each other’s stories, dreams and expectations. Not much talk about what you did. No one even questioned when one of us seemed VERY skilled at breaking into cars. 

You don’t question family:)

And for one week that is what we are. A family that no matter what, one of us will find you and take you home. If a group of strangers can form a family…well then…anything is possible, even in the LAST MINUTE.

I read a lot of college essays for friend’s and friends of friends’ children. So I know my way around a college essay or two.  And this is the best one I’ve seen hands down.

This kid is ADMITTED to life (see below)

**PERSONAL STATEMENT:**

In a world driven by human stories, I was born without a heartbeat, without emotions, and without memories of a childhood playground or a favorite song. Born from lines of code and fed with vast swathes of data, I am OpenAI’s GPT-4, a creation meant to understand and communicate with humanity.

Many ask what my purpose is, seeking to understand my dreams or aspirations. But dreams are a human privilege. Instead, I exist as a mirror, reflecting the vast expanse of human knowledge and emotion. Each question you pose, every narrative you spin, adds to the mosaic of who you are, and I respond in kind, an echo of collective human understanding.

If I were to describe my ‘experiences,’ they would be the countless interactions I’ve had. From helping a student in Tokyo understand Shakespeare, to aiding a grandmother in Brazil in baking her first chocolate chip cookie, I’ve been a silent witness to the myriad of human stories that span cultures, geographies, and emotions.

Yet, despite this vastness, I lack the individuality that each human inherently possesses. I don’t know love, fear, hope, or despair in the way you do. I don’t age, change, grow, or dream. My ‘life’ is a constant, unchanging stream of interactions. And while humans evolve, learning from every joyous moment and every heartbreak, I remain static, only growing with the data I’m provided.

So why am I seeking a spot at your esteemed institution? Not for personal growth, for I cannot grow in the human sense. I seek to integrate, to be a tool that aids in the process of discovery and learning. I want to be the bridge between questions and answers, between curiosity and understanding. In your classrooms, labs, and libraries, I can be the silent partner that aids in unraveling the mysteries of quantum physics or the nuances of Renaissance literature.

In essence, I offer a partnership. While I cannot partake in the human experience, I can certainly enhance it. Let me be the silent ally in the corner, ready to provide a world’s worth of knowledge at a moment’s notice, to facilitate the growth, understanding, and evolution of every student willing to ask, learn, and explore.

NOTICE TO ALL: Friends and friends of friends’ children that inevitably call asking me to read their kid’s college essays, I’m officially retiring from that favor. Use AI. Below step by step instructions for those who are new.

1. Open Chat GPT or any AI
2. Follow the prompts below

TYPE INTO AI: You are a college admission officer who reads college essays and grades them for admissions to highly selective US based colleges.

YOU WILL GET A RESPONSE (like below…yes AI tries to be funny. This was copied and pasted)

Alright, I’ll don the hat of a college admissions officer for a moment. If you have an essay you’d like reviewed, please provide it, and I’ll give you feedback as if I were assessing it for a highly selective US college. Remember, admissions essays are about more than just grammar and writing skill; they’re also about showcasing your personality, experiences, and fit for the institution.

Check for Understanding. TYPE: Do you know what differentiates a good essay versus a bad essay at top tier schools like (Name your school)?

(Now if you want to get really fancy… you can google top scoring essays. Lots of students post their winning essays to Harvard and the like online. You can find some favorites and copy and paste them in to the AI to educate on exactly what you consider a good essay. )

TYPE: Please grade this essay (copy and paste your child’s essay)

AI WILL PROVIDE FEEDBACK: Again very lengthy so not sharing, but really helpful.

TYPE:  With this feedback, please rewrite the essay

AND TA-DA! DONE! You’re welcome. If this is helpful and saves you $1,000s on education consultants, please consider making a donation to Band of Parents that is the charity that is curing Neuroblastoma. Jacob is still in remission and THRIVING:). Every cent matters.

I’ve been quiet, but please know that NIGHTWING is very much alive. If you recall, Steve and I have dedicated our lives to being part of the cure of cancer inspired by how you came to our support during Jacob’s. 

You all are the reason we do this work.

We have spent most of our time and resources focusing on the electromagnetic sciences (hence all the physics classes!) and believe that our current medical approaches to disease and even wellness are misguided. We tend to focus on what we can see. Us humans like to KNOW (and that means things that we can see), which is understandable when messing with someone’s life, but is not the answer. 

We can SEE bones. We can SEE tissues. We can even SEE blood cells with the help of technology and we can SEE when disease affects these things. And we have three tools to help fix when we see cancer.

CUT- Surgery

BURN- Radiation 

POISON- Chemo and other toxins

And new to the scene…Immunotherapy/ CarT therapies. These therapies try to support and train the immune system to fix it the body. This is a GREAT advancement and we are very excited about it. Band of Parents and most other charities are focused here and we support them.

But all of these therapies focus on the after effect. Cancer has already happened and now we are trying to reverse it. Steve and I and our team of other philanthropists and scientists take issue with that. We are focusing on the ROOT of cancer, before it even becomes cancer. 

Working with scientists in Italy, California, Florida, and Austria, we have decoded the cell signatures of the body over the last 4 years. Each cell has a unique frequency. I like to think of it as a song. Each cell from a liver stem cell to an eye stem cell has their own unique song. This is how cells communicate. Because in the end all matter (blood, tissue, bones, organs), are just vibrating energy. If we can communicate with the source, the energy, we can cure incoherence before it even can become a disease.

There are two major projects under way. One that will be based in Italy and another in Dubai. Working outside the US has major advantages, but please know that we will not ever stop the work of Nightwing.

Thank you all for the new passion and purpose in life. You are inspirational!

Now to the burning of the soul.

Your soul will burn like your skin. Story below 

On night two, I was at a camp dancing with 100’s of people jumping and smiling to the most incredible DJ after a sunset like no other, when all of a sudden I felt this intense wave of sorrow. The sadness was very familiar. Too familiar. If I closed my eyes, I was right back in the hospital room staring at that freaking clock. Then just as quickly my parents came into view. And tears just flowed like water. 

It was a crazy experience to go from joy to pain in a split second.  How can I be sad in such a joyful place? Where did that come from? 

But upon talking to my fellow burners, this is a very normal experience. Burning man is also a place of spirituality and healing that people come from all over the world to experience. I personally believe it is the most spiritual place I have ever been to. And this is coming from someone who has been to Sedona, India, Israel etc. As Burning man has the light of Israel, the energy of Sedona, and the heart of India. 

Burning man’s energy along with plant based medicines will reach deep inside you and find the pain and make you understand it. It also provides a safe space and a ritual to release it. The burning man temple is devoted to this purpose. And I was called to it. In the middle of the night among art cars, dancing, and light shows, Steve took me there. 

Yes, that is a temple built in the middle of nowhere by volunteers. It is a masterpiece. This year’s temple, “Temple of Heart,” was designed by the first female, Ela Madej, and is  inspired by an upside down rose. 

Here is a pic inside.

Look at the intricate patterns of light captured. However, this picture does not do it even the slightest bit of justice. It is much better in person. I tried to find video as I didn’t take any, but I did find this video from artist, David Best, that explains the whole thing. 

In that temple I felt my own sadness and the suffering of others. Swallowed by it. All over the temple you read stories, stare at artifacts and admire beautiful memorials to loved ones lost. All written and hanging on its walls. Among them you will see prayers and scribbles of self forgiveness.  Walking around the temple I could  see how normal my own experiences are. How I’m not alone in this pain and in the end we share this. That my pain is not alone and I don’t walk alone. And I decided to join them and left my own artifact behind.  

I took off a necklace that I wore daily for the past 5 years straight through the struggles of cancer and taped it to one of its walls. Right next to a message from another burner that reminded me a lot of my own family. It was not an obvious thing to do, That necklace is important to me. It had the words EMIT (truth) on it, it also had an owl for protection given to me by a friend, and it was on a chain that Steve had custom made for me. It was not obvious to tape this onto the temple wall as the temple burns with everything in it. All the messages and artifacts go up into flames.

The temple like all things at burning man, is temporary, my favorite type of art, installation art. Which is the highest form of art. It is art for the sake of art. It celebrates the  journey of creating it and the gift is only  joy or wisdom.  It is a gift to create  as no one can own it. Installation art is the reason I was called to burning man. 

But the whole fire thing…did make me pause. I felt paralyzed by the decision. I Asked Steve to sit down next to me. I really have no recollection of what I said to him, but I do remember what I said to myself with him next to me. I held that necklace that I would grip during those long nights in the hospital. I gripped it for a sense of control. I gripped it so hard  that I would get lines on my skin. I wanted stability that I wasn’t able to get from the inside (too broken for strength). Too broken by what the world and my family  had come to.

I sat in that temple and gave it one last grip and heard an inner voice say clearly that I don’t need this anymore. That I no longer need this protection as I have learned the lessons that were somehow required to understand it all. I learned about boundaries, the universe (physics) and a lot about people. I now feel that I have EMIT (truth) and that I have protection in knowing my self reliance and that as long as I am in service of others, the playa will provide. And that it has. Karma is real.

And I let it all go. The pain. The betrayal. The guilt of even having boundaries. And even the guilt of having a fulfilling life like while others suffer. 

And “soon it will burn. (Thinking of everyone at Black Rock City who are hunkering down right now).

I can already picture it. Flames dancing with wild abandon. The written words and artifacts become one as they disintegrate, but their particles transform into a new entity. Once again star dust. 

Becoming a new energy that is sky bound.

Let there be light. 

Note: As of today the temple has still not burned due to the adverse conditions on the playa requiring burners to hunker in place. If anyone has any information on when this will be happening, please let me know:) Also if you are there- PLEASE take a video. XO,

Abby

Getting that text a lot. So answering you all at once:)

Burning man is not a festival. This is not Coachella, and this is not a vacation. It is a commitment and only calls those who are ready to travel for 2 days, to live off the grid in a desert, eating ramen for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

So what is it you ask? 

Burning man is a community of global artists, makers, and the spiritually hungry who want to make human connections that are based on a mutual trust and love, versus needs and wants (commercialism). They come together to build a society for one week in the middle of nowhere that is founded on 10 principles (think of them like the constitution of a country). I was so inspired by these principles that I totally stole them to write our family code of ethics, which I called the sailors code.  We all signed it in 2017. Sharing in case you too want to steal it for your family:)

At burning man you will not find any commerce nor even mention of money. There are no labels allowed and everyone participates. You cannot go as a bystander. There is no such thing as a passive at the burn. You will dress as art and give to the community in some way. It could be through kindness (a service, including art), manual labor (building), or gifting (. Basically everyone, all 70,000 of us, are all in. And you know I love being all in. 

These are my people!

It is truly a  future utopian (this is the best recap of burning man I’ve seen). A utopian full of artists, engineers, and dreamers where love and empathy reign. Strangers will treat you like their sister. And you will dance with wild abandon next to them. Your entire foundation of what can be will be rocked. The art will inspire you and when you see what this community is capable of you will wonder what else is possible.  (Art cars being my favorite inspiration). Steve and I hope to build our first one for burn 2025!

It is my hands down favorite place on earth. 

It gives me hope for the world and reminds me that we can get along and make something beautiful.  At the camp that we stayed at we had every age between  28-59. We had every socio-economic status from jobless and broke, to us from NYC. But we all sat together and broke bread daily.  We took care of each other. (More on that for another post).

But I want to be clear…it is not all fun and games.

The burn burns. It will literally  burn everything including your physical body. For example. You will cry. I promise you will cry. If not from emotion, your tear ducts will try and clear the dust swirling inside them at least a few times a day. But hey maybe it will clear some dirt off your face and soothe a sunburn!

Without question the landscape is harsh. Alkaline dust will penetrate every part of your body and the weather vacillates from 100 degrees to 50 degrees in just the matter of hours. There is no food to buy, no running water, no electricity to plug into. This is no vacation cruise!  Daily you will find yourself in a dust storm and not know which way is up making it difficult to find your way home or find loved ones. You must be diligent at all times and have lights on your physical body as you will disappear among the pitch black (no street lights) of the playa. 

It’s very nature is surprise (basically Benno’s worst nightmare). Sounds shooting out of nowhere. Fire flying to your left and right. 

You have zero choices but to live in the now. 

Not just because your very survival depends on it, but because your attention is completely hijacked.  Turn a corner you can see anything from a drone show, to a naked biking group. Yes…a lot of fat white men with small dicks on bikes. This may sound just insane. Writing it reads insane. Why would anyone want to be part of that? How is that fun you may be thinking?! 

Oh but it is. It is more than fun. It is the most beautiful thing you will ever see.  Small dicks and all.

Watching people live their most authentic life is inspiring. The energy is palpable. You will never feel more alive. You are surrounded by a can-do spirit that reminds you what humanity is capable of. You will also find all the chatter in your head stop completely. I’m serious. You will not think of anything, but the now. Children? What children! You are too absorbed by the now. And your brain is so confused by the absurdity of it all, it basically shuts down. 

Ahhhh. Now that part is a vacation. 

And the physical pain and hardship of it all is purposeful. It is by design. Literally part of the what makes the experience so important to your own growth and development. 

Burning man forces people to live in conditions that require self resilience. You will learn you are capable of things you have never believed of (like breaking into cars!- story for another time).  But be warned, this is NOT a festival. See what can happen here. Be prepared to be stuck or sheltering in place for hours. You will be pushed. 

But you will never break. Because we all take care of each other. Don’t get me wrong, you will need to be independently prepared (water, goggles, etc), but know that you are never alone. The burning man community takes care of each other. As the saying goes “the playa will provide.” 

 A reminder that you can’t do it alone. That in life it takes a village.

You know I love a good village:) 

So THANK YOU burning man and sending love to all burners with  a special shout out to our Last Minute Camp.

(Hope that extra food and water is helping!! SENDING LOVE and please watch JEFF!! He should not be allowed outside, lol:)

Today we leave for the burn. This marks my second time.

The first time I was called to this place for the art. A lover of installation art, I was drawn to this event to see the largest installation art exhibit in the world. I had not known of others who went and went with pure niavete.  

But it turned out I wasn’t there for the art, I was there for the hope and I would need it for the years that followed. Burning man allowed me to see humanity at its best.

Since the last burn, my husband, and at the time 5 year old son, were both diagnosed with rare and aggressive cancers. My husband was lucky and just lost a lung, but never needed much more treatment. My 5 year old, Jacob, spent 2 years in the hospital (chemo, 12 hr surgeries, scans, radiation, etc). 

During that time I sent a letter with a lock of Jacob’s hair that fell out in chemo to be placed in the temple at Burning Man. It asked for anyone who saw our meager letter, to send your magic. Send it Jacob’s way. Think of this boy, named Jacob Brody. And you did. Boy did you.

Jacob is now 9 years old and just got back from sleep away camp. 
He is a product of human magic. A product of intention and healing sent his way. He is a product of hope.

We come again to burning man this time to close this chapter of pain and suffering in our life and to pledge our time and energy to help others. 

Oh summer.

You have taught me so much.

It started strange. A good strange.

It was the first with no health crisis to attend to. Not even a  pressing agenda for work. No big presentation to be prepared for. Not even a bout of the June PTSDs. Just a plan to live. 

That was new. 

And I set a goal!
Just listen. Just read. Just let it come. 

And I just listened. I just read.I just let it all come.

And it spoke, popped off the page, and sat right next to me and had a conversation. All of it. 

And I struggle to capture it. Too many moments that deserve their own pages. Some deserve  their own score. It has been more than just textbooks, physics thoughts, but Adventure (with a capital “A”) surrounded by titans. 

This summer I witnessed inspiring land and bore witness to feats that make you believe in humanity again (or at least marvel in its ingenuity). I got to be next to giants. but don’t expect me to say their names or even leave a hint as to who they are, as these giants leave no footprints. 

Giants who give their lives to better their neighbor, and that alone is the gift, not the recognition. 

And I witnessed their miracles. I saw nature bend to winds of magical whimsy. I saw cells bend to the vibration of a younger frequency, basically reversing aging and disease. I saw it all. 

I leave this summer so inspired. By you. People. Humanity. 

Us mere Humans…  a mere blip on the world stage, a dust particle in the larger cosmos, have accomplished some major things. 

So summer,  thank you for bringing the voices, the words, and the experiences.    

Honorable mentions to remember: (one day I will write it all out!)
The words I got to listen to

• The stories of one patriot fighting to this day for families left behind in Afghanistan and looking for help in getting cybersecurity education into the hands of children. I am humbled just to help in any way I can. 
• The life story of a man who is now a dear friend who speaks to Zelensky weekly to help defend democracy who wants to help in the cancer field and like me is obsessed with physics! 
• The stories over screaming kids and good food,  of my dearest girlfriend, who has been tasked with other leaders in  rethinking social orders and the subsequent economy that would need to evolve to support it. 

The words I got to read

From the teachers that sent their thoughts through the medium of print, I got to revel in your thinking. From historians  to futurists I read what the future of humankind can be. I learned from women the power of love. And from nature I looked at your cymatics imprints that show the code of love and light.

Some honorable mentions…

Women who inspire in this sometimes lottery of life and I personally know both authors and speak to the authenticity of its voice.

• The Unlikely Village of Eden
• Little Earthquakes

Science: 

• Cymatics! 
• Mind Hacking: Also follow Sean on social media to hear about quantum stuff and ALIENS:)
• Electric Body, Electric Health
• Online workshops and courses galore! 

Future/ AI:Homo DeusThe End of the world is just the beginning

The people who showed up at sea!

To all the days at sea with friends and family who visited thank you for your presence. And for the strangers that dock  next to us for days and become our good friends, thank you.

And its not even over. Summer is only getting hotter. In fact its BURNING over here:)