We had a setback. Jacob’s breathing became labored. He had to be put on a lot of oxygen. We almost returned to ICU,  but like the LION he is, he bounced back. However, he is not well enough to start chemo. It is looking like Wednesday.

There is theme in our household.Jacob bounces back, but the rest of us don’t. We linger behind. We linger over the experience. We linger over his breathing. We linger over all the doctors that rush in, dissecting each syllable. We replay the event over and over. 

I never linger alone. Never.

I linger with a bagel.

I linger with ice cream ( a good pint now and then).

I  linger with a gyro (this has been daily).

I linger with baked goods.

And now I’m seeing that lingering all over my body. A good 10lbs of lingering. That will (you guessed it) linger…

Feeling pretty crappy about this. Sweatpants can’t be worn to every occasion I’ve learned. Or maybe this is the ultimate fashion statement? Maybe I can make some feminist statement. OH WAIT. What if I say I won’t wear pants with buttons until cancer is cured! That would be a statement.

But this is ridiculous. I will need to join your time and armor at some point. At least for work.

I also recall a person who used to like dressing up. I wonder if she will return.

When Jacob is one day announced NED (No Evidence of Disease), I would like to say the same. I would like these 10 lbs gone. I want to reclaim life with him. I want to be able to run after him.

So I have work to do…not sure even how. I’ve never been good at dieting and never really had to. I was lucky like that and am not much of an eater (until now). Exercise and I have never made a lasting relationship. We’ve dated, but never gotten past second base.

BUT today I tried. I ran. 3 blocks at a time (yes…I’m that out of shape), but I joined your pace running people. And I HATE it. I just don’t understand this whole “high.” When do you get high? And don’t you say it. I’ve had enough of this p-a-t-i-e-n-c-e. 

I have a feeling that Jacob will beat me in this NED race. I actually know he will. He is stronger than me. I am in awe of him. We do share some genetic stock…maybe there is some gene that will kick in for me too. 

Until them I will try and linger on broccoli. 

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