How many days left of cancer?

Today we got our extra tubes out! All three drainage tubes. Jacob was so brave. And now he only has his IV tubes. Back to our new “normal.”

We are back on oxygen, but this is just a small hiccup considering all of the possible complications.

He is doing so well… that it is looking like we start chemo again tomorrow.

Yes. Tomorrow.

Cancer is not an enemy you ever ignore so now that he is stable they will begin the poison. The GOOD news is that this (if all goes well) will be his LAST chemo round!!!! I can’t even begin to tell you how happy this makes us. Chemo is the WORST.

Jacob continues to go with the flow, but he did ask one question.

“Mom, how many days left of cancer?”

He asked like it was a normal question. It felt familiar like when he asks “How many days left of school?” Or “How many days left of vacation?” It felt no different. Just a question regarding time and expectations.

However, it felt different to me. 

I didn’t know how to respond.

I tried to match his tone, but he talked first.

“I heard you say a year on the phone. How much is left of the year?”

Again. Silent. How do I answer something like this? Luckily a distraction. Someone came in.

 I never answered that question. I dread this question will resurface. I’m not sure how to respond. 

I think I will stick to the facts. I can only answer what I know, which is not a real answer. I know he won’t be satisfied. I get it. I’m not either.

I can only know for sure the next month and know better than to predict farther. And I know better now than to give false promises.

NEXT STEP: After our chemo round, we get the SCANS! ALL of the scans! We have not gotten some of these scans since diagnosis. For example, we have zero idea about what is going on with the cancer in the bones. We have no idea if he has responded well. 

From there we will know next steps…

So no I don’t know how many days left of cancer, but I do know this we have come a long way.

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