I’ve started to take pictures again. 

Not a lot, but they exist. 

That must be a good sign. 

Life seems worth documenting again like this is a moment to remember not forget.

The pictures do help. I’m been looking at them a lot. Before I was looking at old pictures. Pictures of “before.” They would make me happy. “I can be happy again. Look at my life before!” 

But “before’ will always be “before.” There will be no capturing that life again.

We will need to find happiness “after” and NOW as cancer will always be in our lives. There is no cure for Neuroblastoma (as of now- that WE will change), but there is no way we will ever walk away from cancer even after that. There will be no sailing away again. No wiping our hands of it. No “phew” moment and continuing on as before as we did after Steve’s cancer. Not skipping a beat. No. Cancer is our life from now and forever. 

And for the first time, I’m able to take a picture and even be in one. There have only been two. Two pictures like this in three months.

This one is in our QUAKMOBILE! It has a hitch for Jacob’s IV stick when needed. This is one sweet ride and YES that is my MATH hat;)

And this one boggles my mind. I don’t remember taking it. I think Jacob might have taken it, but its a selfie. A selfie! Wow. But I love how happy he is.

We are finding happiness and that happiness has a WHOLE new meaning. The after is going to be different that’s for sure, but I know it will include pictures.