And then…


I’m hunkering myself over here.

I am hunkering in my room. I hear the boys playing. This is the most beautiful noise in the world. Benno is being such a GOOD sport. Honestly. All Jacob wants is his brother. I get it. Its the only playmate available to him, but for Benno, it is suffocating. 

I hear ya Benno, for me too dude. Hunkering is a bit suffocating. 

But, Benno tapped in, so I tapped out.

And I’m reading so I can remember. I’m reading the last time we hunkered. And I’m thankful after reading as today is only Day 4. It only goes downhill from here. Then back up. Then surgery. And then down and then up. And then… I feel like this.


Jacob is screaming. 

At least I have Bachelor in Paradise and a glass of wine to look forward to tonight.

Although, I could deal without all the questions.

I find it so odd that my husband who normally watches sci-fiction movies where there are different parallel universes and people time-traveling, is so lost in Bachelor in Paradise. Every five minutes he has a question. The rules are just a bit overwhelming for him. “Why is Chris Harrison coming? What’s going on!?”

I mean…come on dude. 

Am I fortune teller?! So many questions. So many questions. 

I don’t know! Well…I know more than you it seems, but I don’t know. I understand the workings of a bunch of insecure humans with tans on the beach. I can semi predict what is going to happen, but I really don’t know. That’s the reason I watch it. It’s a show of “and thens.” And then walks in Hannah. And then walks in (TBD). 

Paradise is like my life. A life of AND THENS. They get it. These are the only people beyond my world who gets it.

But Steve can’t handle this type of TV. You know “reality” TV where there is no obvious good versus evil. He is unsure where to put his energies. Who to “root for.”

For me, I’m just rooting for humanity. and I agree with Demi, there is no better feeling in this world than love so you go girl, you go find that AND THEN go spread it.

I hope for all of the people in paradise that they find love “and then” can STOP. I wish that for all of you.

I wish that for me too. I got the love, but I would like to enjoy it “and NOW.”

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