It wasn’t me

But I get the accusation. “Look now Jacob is just like every other kid! No school for them either!” “ Jacob will be as disadvantaged as other kids this fall.” “No summer camp envy now! None of our kids are going” “Other kids will also be behind in language so entering Avenues won’t be as […]


Yesterday Benno turned 9. Last year his birthday was at NYU hospital. There were no presents from his parents. There was no party with friends. There was just family and an attempt to smile through it all. Jacob had just been diagnosed days before. The hospital staff allowed us to go outside on a balcony […]

365 days

Its a year today.  Maybe its an anniversary for you too. Maybe Jacob was the first sign of the cracking of the world around us. It does seem (from this perspective) that all the chaos sped into warp speed since his diagnosis. It may have been the first child you knew to have cancer. Maybe […]


Things are better.  Its true naming something does help. Knowing that I wasn’t going crazy was helpful and thank you Nightwing for helping with resources, articles, and even your own stories of the “anniversary effect.”. The weight is much lighter.  And I wrote this last night to remember its truth. That sometimes you have to […]

It sits right on my chest.  Where does it sit for you? I have friends who report their stomachs, but that’s not where it is for me. It is right on my chest even in my throat. Strangling feeling.  And I just want to lay in bed. I remember this feeling. The feeling of waking […]