All your life people have commented how “smart” you are. That you are fast on the uptake. That you are quick to get things. Clearly those people don’t know that you at all.
Or maybe they are unaware of your memory, which is lacking…to say the least.
Luckily you left yourself notes. Notes to remember that PTSD swings will come and go. That it will get better, which it has.
But yet…you knew yourself even better than anyone else, some things needed to be branded. Literally branded. Notes would not suffice. This has to be premament flair. You needed daily reminders.
I got Nightwing branded onto my skin. A tattoo. Something laughable even months ago to consider. And it’s true everyday that I see it. And everyday I remember, I lived through that. I remember Jacob’s cancer.
I can’t give my old self a hard time as she tried her best, but often drawings need labels if they are meant to remind yourself of something. A image can be interpreted without a good label and I’ve been looking at it all wrong.
Luckily I recorded WHY I branded myself so I got a good reminder.
Nightwing isn’t a reminder of cancer, it is a reminder of you. It is a reminder of the village. It is a reminder that while “rare” you are, you are not alone. It is a reminder of the notes, the packages, the love, the prayers that got Jacob home to us.
NOTE: Next fall- got to get some labels for this tattoo. Something to remind myself this is not a testament to cancer, but a testament to love.
I have what I need. I have already collected the resources I require to do good in this world. I don’t need to look out, I need to look at my right forearm. That I have not only have a village behind me, but an army.
That Nightwing comes in different forms. Sometimes from your family, friends, but even strangers can save the day as light always outshines darkness.
For about 3 months I have felt very betrayed by the universe. I do believe you get what you give and I was working so hard to give. Give. Give. Give. I had plans. I had flags to plant. I had goals to achieve and nothing was going my way, until I remembered why I branded myself. It is not about me. It is about US.
I cannot do this alone. I was never meant to. This is a TEAM effort.
So universe do your thing, let nightwing lose on the world and WE will make it a better place.