2 steps forward, 1 step back

Two steps forward

One step back

That’s the choreography of this dance.

Yesterday was a VERY good day. I felt myself for the first time in a long time. I had energy. I was able to function like myself, multi-tasking even!

Then today. Woke up with crippling anxiety. My entire body pumping full of adrenaline in my sleep. No dreams can I recall. Not one. But my body feels like it woke up from the scariest nightmare of all.

The “better” trajectory is one I’m not familiar with.

Linear growth has always been the graphs I’ve studied. Learning is linear. There are plateaus, sure, but it is rare that you go backwards. You don’t lose learning.

But these graphs look like this

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 Going in the right direction, but not a smooth ride.

Tuns out PTSD is anything but linear. It zig zags in unpredictable patterns that is until you zoom out.

And then you see the dance.

2 steps forward

One step back

Anyone else thinking Paula Abdul? Although she sang of a different dance. Two steps forward, 2 steps back- now that sounds terrible. You should fix that choreogrpahy Paula

But I include this video because of the tap dancing part. I watched this part over and over as a kid.

So I prefer my dance.

It is definitely getting better. Today was a step back, but the 2 steps forward will reign again. 

But need to record my positive. Only focused on the bad. 

If only I had the time.

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