Why do you do this?

Why do you do this?

My mother in her kind way asks. Why do you want all these people to know your private business?

Why do you do this?

My friends prod in a supportive way.  We just worry about what others may think.

Why do you do this?

My work colleagues ask in a concerned way. This can hurt us.

And it’s a fair question.

Why the hell do I do this? 

And my answers back never quite suffice. As how can I explain something I don’t quite understand ?

Why do I do this? 

I ask myself.

One thing I have always understood is I write it to read.

The reading is the important part. And recently I have been more thankful than ever. Real  breadcrumbs I can go back to. Real lessons of things that for some reason I can’t remember without very accurate reporting and details. And it helps. Sometimes to just remember that I survived it. That in the darkest hour I am now looking back on it and reading it. Just like a story.

And that’s when it dawned on me. 

Exactly like reading a book. 

I get to read this character’s story. I get to observe her state. I get to objectively look at something that is anything but objective. It is the only way I survive. Making it a story. And when I read it feels less scary and truly noble. 

A real journey of discovery. Of lessons.  

But why publish?

Why publish?

The fair rebuttal by all, including my voice

Surely I can read a doc on my computer and read it without publishing it. However, I do like the “database” like structure I can see/ search my writing in wordpress.

But still. Probably not the greatest argument.There are search functions on many things include google docs.

So why?

There were reasons.

And then someone said the words for me. And I am so thankful of that. So thankful that it hits me in my core. Forever in her debt. Not because I can communicate the reason to others, but because I feel so much better.

Woke up feeling so much better.

One person did that.

Just one little lady:)

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