I’m just not organized enough for this lie. I keep forgetting myself. This mulligan idea is more complicated than I realized. I don’t know my own age. On forms….do I lie? Do I have a “real age” and a “fake age?” A “medical age” and a “social age?” I can hardly remember my age as it is. 

Too complicated.

So 40 it is. Today I am 40 years old.

I still think the mulligan was a good call and recommend it for others who’ve been robbed entire years to consider, but I’ve realized it wouldn’t work for me (beyond being not just organized enough to pull it off).

I realized that I can’t erase a year of my marriage. Steve and I got married at my 30th birthday party. It was a surprise wedding in 2010. And that means that Steve and I are also having a milestone too, 10 years. And we have a LOT to be proud of. We have a lot to celebrate.

I don’t know many marriages that can do what we do. I don’t know many as lucky as me to marry not just your best friend, but literally the “best.” He is the best at everything he does. There is nothing he can’t do and I am proud to call him my husband. The divorce rate of couples with sick children is HIGH. SO HIGH. Understandably so. Take your normal stress that can hurt a marriage and then throw in something so complicated, expensive, and emotional that your heart literally breaks. I’ve seen what it does to my fellow cancer parents, pushes them far apart physically (one living at the hospital) and mentally. The things to argue about are endless. And with no one to “blame,” as cancer has no punching bag, your spouse can easily become that vehicle. But not us. We did this entire year as allies and grew stronger. I think if anything our love just grew.

That is something to be proud of.

So happy anniversary my love, my captain, my best friend.

Today I don’t celebrate 40 years, but 10. 

We got married to Simon and Garfunkel’s Bridge Over Troubled Water. At the time that felt appropriate for other reasons, but now I truly understand that bridge. We built a bridge and then even a boat to get over that water. So far the score is. Water zero. Brodys 10.