I’ve never really considered my relationship with my body. Or rather I’ve never really even thought of my body beyond the immediate “ow” after a stubbed toe or the mirror glance where I pinch the fat. That has been my entire relationship with my body. Not a negative one, but one of more indifference.
I know people have complicated relationships with their body, but I never gave it more than a negative glance or an “ow” before moving on with the day. The brain, that I spent time on. That I was obsessed with, especially with how it learns, but the vehicle that stored it, was just along for the ride.
Until it stopped riding.
I wake up in pain. I am a good foot away from touching my toes. Every step my body recoils. Tightness everywhere. Even a soft touch to my neck burns, everything tender. And you know I have not been working out. I haven’t pulled anything and no toe has been stubbed.
I had no idea that the body can turn on you like this. My mind is totally fine. I’m not depressed, but the anxiety in my body is very real.
So hello body.
Turns out you are something to consider now and then.
As you can turn quickly.
Ugh you have been through so much. I read your posts and just feel for you. I want to give you a big hug so badly and just take something off of you plate so you can take care of yourself for a minute. Your body must be so confused. So much panic and anxiety and all of a sudden you are just supposed to relax… yet you still have to be ready for anything. I love how you are writing all of this down. And I know my comments don’t mean much, but I just want you to know I’m here. Even just to talk. Xox
Jamie Roy 917-576-5228
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