I think it is the hunkering. Yes. That is it. The hunkering. 

That is where I go off track. How could one not?! Living 24/7 in your apartment with children! AHHH.

During Jacob’s rounds we “hunker.” We don’t leave the house much. With the flu and all the other scary viruses circulating we try our best to keep Jacob safe. However, the hunker itself can make you crazy. Or at least me. 

But it could be worse. It could be WAY worse and the other me is experiencing it. 

I have a Chinese version of myself. There is literally a Chinese Abby. We think alike, we value the same things, we are basically the same human.

We spoke yesterday and I can’t stop thinking about it. We hunker in our apartment for a week at a time and I go CRAZY. I get depressed. I get snappy. I get angry. I turn into a monster. But I also know that then we have “off” and that I can walk around the block too if I need it.

But hunkering for a MONTH with no end in sight?! WHAT?! Try living in an apartment with your two children with ZERO help (no one is coming to help you), ZERO playdates (no one opens their doors), and a life of fear. That is what she is dealing with. That is the reality of China.

My heart is breaking for China me. She can’t go for a run outside. She can’t run to the office. She can’t flee. And there are millions of people doing this. Millions in China are “hunkering.”

All I keep thinking about the longterm psychological damage on the children of China. 

Imagine being a child and being yelled at for pressing an elevator button? “Don’t touch that! It has germs!” 

Imagine being a child and being told it is dangerous outside? “There is a virus that can make you very sick.”

Imagine being a child and being raised with the notion that your peers can “kill” you with their sneeze or breath? “Don’t get too close to people!”

My heart breaks. Children being raised with the fear of touching (the MOST used early childhood skill of making meaning) and of people (humans are social beings) is anything but natural. Like Jacob, these kids are being robbed of childhood.  

So China, I’m going to stop complaining. I’m changing my mindset. I hunker WITH you. 

Hear me Angela- I’m here hunkering with you! I’m here! 

And Abby: NO MORE COMPLAINING! You aren’t in CHINA!

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