Are pigs flying outside your window?

Maybe you should check again.

I’m expecting them.

As I’ve made a ridiculous decision.

I’m going to “do” the marathon. Which is ludicrous and stupid as I don’t run and hate running. I’ve been making fun of people who run the marathon my whole life. When friends have declared their intention to run to, my response “why?!” I guess I’m not the most supportive friend. But I am the friend who will show up with a yardstick with a donut on it and yell “RUN bitch RUN!” I’m that friend. That I’ve done.

However, when I got the email to join the Scarlett Fund to raise money for pediatric cancer at Sloan Kettering, the email was come run/walk for cancer. And I turned to Steve and said, I can walk. I can walk. I can do this.

I will do this.

So I had a plan, I can walk. I can do that. I will walk. I will walk the day. I will walk. I will see NYC. I will listen to music. I even saw my water bottle around 5pm turning into a wine spritizer near the end. It would be lovely. And if anyone gave me shit for it, I would just say “I walk for those who can’t run.” I saw it perfectly. I would be the Rosa Parks of the NYC Marathon. I would be sitting in the back watching you all run. Cheering you on as I walked. Smiling away.

And then I learned of this.

There is an actual BUS that sweeps up the stragglers and reopens the streets. WHAT? 

This put a real kink in my wine spritzer plan.

So new plan. BEAT THE BUS. 

That’s my motto. That’s my goal. I’m going to BEAT THAT BUS. This will require some running. Ugh. I started today. I ran one mile. I did it in 11 minutes.

While I think for most of you this would be a bad time, I was pleased. I’m pretty sure I beat the last time I timed myself running a mile, which would be Middle School. I was the PE student from hell. Just ask Ms. White, my Middle School PE teacher who actually wrote on my report card that “Abby can’t walk and chew gum at the same time.”

She will tell you, athlete I am not. Instead of running in school, I would sashay my way down the track. I would dance and watch the others lap me. Singing songs the entire way. Doing anything beyond the silly exercise of running with nowhere to go. Look at those idiots go.

But now I have somewhere to go.

I have cancer to solve.

So here I am. I am running a marathon and I got a bus to beat.

Alrighty.