0:00, Thanksgiving

0:00.

 The hospital has military time for their digital clocks. They use digital in the clinic. They don’t tic nor toc, but I stare at them none the less. Stare at the clock. Last night I got to witness 0:00. Zero O’clock. I witnessed the very first second of Thanksgiving. 

Thanksgiving is number 2.

 Following right behind New Years.  This is my second favorite holiday.

I respect holidays that are all about food and require everyone to do cheesy things like share what they are thankful for. I like these traditions. Who doesn’t like to eat and then get to hear your children say something adorable around a table. It’s a winning combination.

We should be in CT with Steve’s family. Or at least that is where we have been. All the years past. 

Benno is there. We didn’t want Benno to spend the holiday in the hospital with us. We wanted him to have as much normalcy as possible.

But I wonder how it really does feel over there? How are the family traditions going without us? Who is leading the kids to build teepees in the woods and how is it possible without Jacob’s help? Who is dancing in the videos we make?  Who is drinking all the wine since my mother-in-law stopped drinking? Who?! That is my job. And who could possibly be carving the turkey? Steve puts in months of research for the right carving set (of course he does!) and approaches the task as a true surgeon. Announcing every cut and naming each tendon and body part along the way. However, I think more goes in than out (ha)! I doubt anyone can fill those shoes and it makes me sad. 

It can’t be the same. I can’t imagine it feeling the same and that makes me sad for everyone.

Definitely not the same over here. Steve and I sit with Jacob at the hospital. It’s 0:00.

Zero O’clock.

It’s going to be a long night. We may get in a few hours of sleep before we have to return here on Thanksgiving day.

Jacob hit 105 again. Immunotherapy is not only painful, but it comes with a side of high fevers. We were really trying to keep him out of the hospital. Jacob begged that we don’t go. We tried our best to keep him out. Rotating meds, monitoring his fever.  We stayed home even with 103. We know that his fever is most likely a reaction of 3f8 only, but when we saw 105, into the car we went. They are now pushing fluids as his blood pressure was low, he’s back on oxygen and they are going forward with more antibiotics.  This makes a total of 3 antibiotics running through his body right now, each with their own sides. Oh and I forgot about the x-ray. 

And we found a virus now. It is actually remarkable that this is our first considering how immune suppressed Jacob is, but not the greatest Thanksgiving gift.

But it is Thanksgiving and we are trying to keep up with traditions. 

What are we thankful for?

Jacob: “My stuffed animals.”

Steve: “My monkeys.” His boys. He doesn’t elaborate. He just says this in a glance as he continues to work on his computer.

My turn: While I know there is a lot to be thankful for, which includes my family and friends, I have zero ability to think beyond the moment anymore. So I announced to Jacob that I was thankful for this meal at the hospital today which is oddly delicious.  Its good old fashioned canned cranberry sauce, nothing better than that and loads of turkey with gravy to eat the time away with. 

So thank you Sloan. Thank you for recognizing us who spend the holiday like this.

This is the first year that I can’t share a Thanksgiving video with you all. So I pick an old one for you.

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgiving from Sloan Kettering. 

Love the Brodys

PS. Here is a video that made me laugh from last Thanksgiving. Always a fighter!

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3 Comments

  1. Definitely not the same without you, not at all – we miss you guys so much We did the fort but can’t muster the video without you, will wait for 2020, it will be epic. We love you.

    Liked by 1 person

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