The anger is back

I’ve been angry these last few days. 

I thought I was passed this stage. But I guess not.
So so angry.

I may just be matching Jacob. Anger may be like a yawn, contagious as the yelling is back. Level 11 all the way. He is VERY angry. Screaming at the hospital. Hysterical. And irrational. I guess I would be too if I’ve had no more than a few bites of food daily just to vomit it up. A whole new level of Hangry.

And I’m lashing out too. SO ANGRY. 

Angry at the same old dialogues that go nowhere. Angry how life still just marches with little change. Angry as my days are in a different time zone but yet you all are in another making it impossible to see anyone. Never once successfully meeting someone for a walk. Not once after so many attempts. 

Yesterday I attempted to make a schedule with myself, with a party of one, as others seem to be out. I had things I needed to do, but I missed every one of my own appointments. Jacob needed a blood transfusion, Jacob screamed all day and I had to calm him as he was waking up other sick kids. All the tasks GONE and it wasn’t like my tasks were getting my nails done or go to the gym, all I was trying to do is work. Work for cancer. Work for MTG. 

And I was furious. Why?!!! Why can’t I even do the simplest things?! Simplest things for others even?! Why is doing good things hard?! It seems that bad deals are easier. That doesn’t make sense to me.

So I’ve been in a mood! 

And then I’m mad at myself for being in a mood. No winning.

But I got these randomly from a handsome lad.

AND Some Nightwing Friends asked us if we wanted to go to MADONNA tonight. I guess I get the question. I guess it isn’t obvious that we should be able to go to a concert, but NO ONE says no to Madonna. 

Thou shal not miss Madonna.

Like a Prayer, I hope she takes me there!

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