I chose water

I just finished a full-body MRI. I used this new company called Ezra. I highly recommend. They even give you PJs and have a woman with you the entire time to deal with your anxiety. She evens customizes a playlist for you!

I guess I was supposed to be anxious. Every 10 minutes someone asked if I had a question. Did I need to breath a bit? Am I scared?

Please people. You don’t know real fear. This is a cake walk.

The questions did not stop after either. “We will get you the results ASAP. Do you have questions? Are you worried?”

Nope. If it’s cancer…we will deal with it and hey I’ve got a head start by getting this scan.

I have no worries.

I also have no health issues nor fear I have cancer. But I’ve learned that isn’t enough. You don’t need health issues, to be close to death. Cancer can live in your body for up to 15 years without a symptom. Just ask Steve.

So today I sat in the machines that my son and husband call their new home. I listened for an hour and a half the banging sounds. I get why this would cause someone anxiety.

But I liked it. It was the highlight of the week.

It was the first time I think I’ve been alone and asked to just lay there. I was alone for an hour and a half and the banging just felt right. The red alarm sound just matched my heart. My family is so hurt, we live a daily nightmare.

I thought about our new life and all that we have gone through through those bangs. Each bang another memory.

I am a different person. I know what is important and I thought about all the negativity that used to define my days. The issues that used to consume me with stress. And I walked out of that hour and a half a bit lighter as I found a new truth.

I write it now to remember it later. To hold myself accountable. NEVER will I go back.

TRUTH: The phrase blood is thicker than water is truly the most ridiculous idiom.

Yes, blood is physically thicker than water. I assume the phrase means to infer that thick blood is strong. This is like saying that the physical size of your brain is a determinate of your intelligence. Some of the thinnest ropes are the strongest. 

Thick is not strong. Your family won’t obvious be there for you. It only means thick and that means mucky. It means complicated.

LESSON: I choose water.

Water is the source of life. It makes blood. It is an equalizer. 

I choose those who give the gift of life. I choose to walk with those who are good. I choose to surround my children with POSITIVE role models. I choose to hold people accountable. I choose not to be a victim and I choose to not be blamed for making these positive choices.

My cup runneth over in love. I choose WATER.

Bad blood is just bad blood.

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