Last day ONE

The last DAY ONE.

Today is the last day “one” of cancer. The last round of chemo (in theory). The last of the “count” that you end to only just start right again. The last time of the vicious cycle of poison. The last time of watching your child grow sick. 

The last one couldn’t have come sooner. 

Jacob has had ENOUGH of the hospital. When I woke him this morning he was NOT having it.

“I was at the hospital for days mom. I want my bed. I want to rest. I hate you. Cancel it!”

Hard to explain that we can’t cancel. How do I explain to him that you can’t cancel on cancer? You can’t ask to reschedule. This is not a thing we can “end.” 

He just cried and cried until he fell asleep. He is now sleeping.

AND to make things more complicated Benno got sick. Really sick.

I don’t think Benno has been this sick in years. Benno hardly ever gets sick. He is our medical wonder. How can a child that eats like he does be so healthy? But yesterday we got that dreaded call from the nurse and Benno has fever, chills, and now is vomiting. Oh great…

We now have the impossible dance of keeping these two apart. 

Jacob can’t get this and I’m already messing up.

Benno just wants his mom to cuddle him and of course, I do. He feels crappy and just wants me near, but then Jacob called me and I ran to him. I didn’t think. I just laid next to Jacob and touched him even. UGH. Already messed up. I need to scrub before that next time. Life has just gotten so complicated. Every simple motherly move needs to be considered as a health risk. One child threatening another.

But while this last count may be a bit more complex with Benno’s sickness, it is nice to know that we are nearing the end of the first phase of treatment (chemo).

That’s something to celebrate. 

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