Dear Ashton,

You are my personal meditation.

You have helped me through some difficult times these last weeks, including right this second.I know Dude Where is My Car may not be the highlight of your career, but for it is THE one. A classic that can even help a mother survive her child’s cancer.

And today…I really needed you and will continue to need you. We’ve only met with the nursing side of the surgical team, still waiting to meet with doctors. But already my morning has been full of what feels like a never ending river of “AND THEN…”

“We just want to go over the lines and tubes when you see him come out of surgery” (nursing team)

He will have a breathing tube.

And Then 

He will have a tube coming out of his nose for drainage

And Then 

He will have a tube coming out of his back

And Then 

He will have a tube coming out of his stomach

And Then 

He will have a tube coming out of his penis

And Then 

He will have pain meds running through his IV

And Then 

He will look weird. Very puffy. This will scare you.

And Then 

I didn’t cry. I was prepared. 

I nodded and in my head kept yelling “NO AND THEN!” And I visualized  you screaming at that Chinese drive through box. Shaking it. NO AND THEN!

And I was able to sit through it. 

My own private meditation.

So Dude,

Thank you.