Today is day 4 of round 4. The end of the administration of chemo, but the beginning of getting “sick.” And chemo has a cumulative effect. He should be sicker than the last times, each time the poison adding up on the previous round. Besides some noticeable signs like his finger skin peeling and the neon green tinge to his vomit, our warrior continues to look strong. Continues to wake up every day wanting to play and EAT. He looks good! He doesn’t look sick. He doesn’t even look that skinny.
From the accounts, I read, and the faces I see every single day in this ward, I know we are SO blessed. Not every child has had such a strong journey through this disease.
And don’t think for a moment that I don’t know WHY we have been so lucky. Don’t think for one moment that you don’t play as big of a role in this as Jacob’s genetics and disposition. I feel certain that you, Friends of Nightwing, play a MAJOR role. I know this to be fact.
And I don’t know how I can repay you or even take the lessons I’ve learned during this time and apply them to your world. Do you think it’s possible?
Do you think it’s possible to raise your child in a village outside of my world? Is it possible when we all live up high instead of on the ground? Can community be staked?
Wait! Of course, it can. Look at the aunts! duh! They are stacked.
But still, I question as in the sky we live in individual cells and below we keep gatekeepers? Unlike the aunts, we didn’t build this community together, we didn’t all pitch in and create a society for one another. No, we are strangers thrust into an address lured by floor plans and amenities. We share, most likely, a socio-economic reality, but beyond that, we are strangers who are now “neighbors.” And we pay people to keep others out.
And even in your locked kingdom, you may not be able to name all the people who live there. Even the ones in the cells to your right or left. And even if you can, you may despise them for some reason. They in some way are ruining your individualistic life in your cell in the sky.
How can they be your village?!
And would you even allow it? Would you allow others to help raise your child? Others with different rules. Different ideas of what constitutes “food.” Different ideals. They may even let their children on the internet. I get it…you have your reservations.
But look at the flip side.
Look at what we are DOING. All of the scheduling. Doing a job that for centuries was done by many, all on your own. Instead of coming home from work and unwinding while your children run and play in the neighborhood, you now need to entertain them and ENRICH them. Piano, swimming, tutors, etc. The result, schedules and anxiety. I’ve seen it first hand. I see you parent.
Not that I’m any different. I just outsourced the shuttle parade as I was too busy in my own parade. But looking back on it now. My life that was considered by most out of wack (6AM-8PM), looks just like my children’s, colored blocks of time stacked. Digital selves planned months in advance.
And then this part makes me really sad. You may even look to your village for only one thing, a measuring stick. Especially in your school village. This I can speak to first hand. I’ve seen. I bear witness. This is FACT.
You look at your village to judge how well you are doing or otherwise said, how poorly others are doing. You look to see how your apartment floor plan is better. You see how your children say please and thank you over the “others.” Instead of using the village, all of a sudden you are competing against it. GEEZ! Talk about impossible. Why have we set ourselves up for a game that is not winnable? This is not fun. Are you having FUN?! You for sure never felt fun when we met in my office.
This is not even historically possible. NEVER have people been raised in individual cells. Never have parents not relied on each other. But as time marches on, so does our individualism, our desire to “do it all.”
I question if we can “do it all.”
Even the word “all” implies more than one.
Doing it all doesn’t even make mathematical sense.