The ban on candy


I announced that our family no longer eats candy.

I didn’t say we won’t eat ice cream nor white pasta, just candy.

This did not go well.

It’s not like we are candy pill poppers, but this announcement was met by screams of protests and then, of course, tears. They are more fans of chocolate and ice cream. I did not realize that this announcement will become the bane of my existence. Like I don’t have enough battles going on. 

“You can’t make up stupid rules” – Jacob

“That makes zero sense and NO”- Benno 

I explain to them that sugar feeds cancer. It will make Jacob’s bump grow. Sugar is not good for your bodies. And this is just fact. 

Cancer is a word thrown around too freely. It is used to describe the 200+ diseases that fall under its umbrella, but they are anything, but the same. In fact, many cancers don’t share much in common, all unique. They only share a name because they all are rapidly dividing cells that attack the body. AND they share an energy source, fermentation.  

Cancers are like Donald Trump,  they prefer coal. Dirty energy even when everyone knows that it is not efficient nor a business to double down on. It can even kill. Coal can kill the environment and sugar your life. Cancer cells don’t use oxygen for energy conversion, they use fermentation like your fine wine. And do you know what essential ingredient is used in fermentation, SUGAR. 

Cut the sugar, you cut its energy source and it can’t grow (in theory). Some even argue you can help kill these cells by cutting all sugar, strangling their ability to survive. 

It should be noted that this new no candy rule was Not asked of me. My doctor wants Jacob to eat anything he wants. With a child going through chemo, it is not a time to start diets.

Oh I get it.

I’m back to my bagels. I’m not trying to diet. Although, I did go a whole week without one. However,  I’ve made another rule. Bagels on chemo days. That seems fair. 

But the sugar thing just makes sense to me. Common sense.

Isn’t that how all wars work now? I keep hearing your world scream of tariffs? Don’t we play by strangling each other’s energy?  Kill its ability to flourish?

I’m just following policy.

But I’m no idiot!  I’m not trying to cut all sugars. That would be a suicide mission. I’m just trying to take out things that are composed of 100% sugar (fructose) and then slowly chip away at other things in later months. Like my children’s intense need for Strawberry daiquiris. 

It’s not going well. 

Benno announced that he doesn’t have cancer and never will so he should be allowed to have candy. That set Jacob off in a screaming rampage. “Unfair! I never get what I want!”

To calm down Jacob, I stupidly shouted over the screams. Anyone can get cancer. Sugar can help it come.  Benno won’t be having candy either.

WHAT?! Benno was now listening.

Oh great. This was a real miss. 

But oddly, this new Benno was easier to calm down, but I am still losing this battle. Now all they want to do is go to the candy store. All they want to do is test my resolve. 

Just what I needed. Another test.

 And I’m not shocked when I really think about. I’m not shocked about them being upset about the idea of never eating candy again.  How can I win a battle against multi-million dollar industry?

Did you know that Hershey, mars, and other candy companies pledged to not use “child-directed media” as defined by the Children’s Food and Beverage Advertising Initiative (CFBAI). However, we all know that isn’t the case and according to a study at the Ruff Center at the University of Connecticut,  advertising directed at children have only increased. An increase they put at 74% from 2005-2015.

Fuck. I am becoming one them! Shit. 

I’m becoming one of the crazy food parents. 

Jesus. Never saw this one coming! 

And I get why you all are crazy. You have to be crazy to attempt this fight. 

The fight against foods that are only associated with obesity and disease that is EVERYWHERE and luring your children. 

How can you fight the world? The grocery aisle? How do you change the concept of the American birthday party? How do you change the bright colors of candy that match legos? Halloween?!

Ugh. I have enough to fight right now. This can’t be my fight, but I support those of you that are pushing the needle. Thank you. I will support by banning candy. 

Or at least attempting to. 

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