This is homework, self-imposed. Steve has been clear. No negativity leading up to Monday. He’s right. So I’ve decided to focus on what I’m thankful for.

I am thankful for being in good health. I have recently learned of someone in my position who also was being treated for cancer at the same time as her child. Heartbreaking.

Thankful for speaking English as it is the tongue of medicine. I watch my fellow parents wait for translators to understand what is being administered to their child and I question if they really understand.

I am thankful I live in NYC near the best minds in the world. All of our peers live at the Ronald McDonald house. They only speak of its wonders. They tell tales of how kind and amazing the place is, but I am thankful that I get my own bed. That I get to escape the world of cancer and not live there full time. That I don’t need to talk “counts” at breakfast.

I am thankful that my family is not torn apart. So many families have to divide and conquer. So many parents splitting, one at home with their other kids, and one here due to distance. Sometimes on different continents.

I am thankful for the abundance of hope.

I am thankful for the Band of Parents that funded all this hope.

I am thankful for Benno. He seems happier and he is being so much kinder to all around him, including his brother.

I am thankful for my family. I am thankful for my mother-in-law who basically lives with us now. Who is there day and night. Thankful for her strength and certainty.

I am thankful for Steve. That he is here right now. One lung and all.

I am thankful for all of the wonderful people who surround me. All the people that I’ve collected in my 39 years of life.

I’m especially thankful for all the children I collected along the way that remind me what the world can be. 

I am thankful for the coincidences that keep happening. They remind me there is beauty in this world and that everything will be OKAY.

I am thankful for Jacob’s strength. Very thankful.

I am thankful for bagels with cream cheese.

I am thankful for Mexican food.

I am thankful pinkberry with hazelnut spread.

I am thankful for fake hair

I am thankful for weed

I am thankful for Bachelors in Paradise. This is the ONLY show that doesn’t make me cry. I’ve been having a VERY hard time finding shows that don’t make me cry out of happiness or sadness. I’m so sensitive right now. Let’s put it this way I thought watching Jerry Seinfield’s new show “getting coffee with comedians” would be a good choice, I cried. I cried. Can anyone tell me why Eddie Murphy so sad?! Why is HE insecure?! Why is the world so insecure?!

Shit. I’m doing it again.

Thankful. Thankful.

Thankful for sweatpants being acceptable to be worn in public

Thankful that is 2019 not 2009. So many advances in medicine.

Thankful for my friends. I’ve said that, but I’m saying it again.

Thankful for this very second. Including this second where Jacob is home playing at home.


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1 Comment

  1. May you have many more things to be thankful for ahead. Sending lots of love. Try Shrill, Workaholics (beyond stupid but dumb and funny), Difficult People on Hulu. Lynn Koplitz on Netflix. ❤️ What you are writing telling your deepest most intimate feelings about this horrific time is helping many people in your path. You and Steve are angels. Go Nightwing and everyone keep flicking for Jacob.

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