We really are trying. We really are.

We want to make lemonade out of our lemons. We want to be a family again. We want to be happy.

We got Jacob to the boat today! This was not easy. He did not want to go, which is so strange since this is our happy place, but we got him here. This is one of the last days before the next round. We want him to be outside. Not have to wear a mask. The boat! It’s perfect.

Steve was so happy. Benno was so happy. I was so happy. Jacob? NOT happy.

He screams and yells all day long. Screaming. And wanting things he just can’t have and trust me we would do ANYTHING. He cries a real cry about them. The ones with big fat tears. He just cries and cries as he screams and screams.

He kicks. He tells me he hates me. He hates us all.

“I never get what I want.”

“You don’t understand.”

Both fair.

But both on repeat at decibels you can’t imagine. I give him affirmation. I hear you Jacob! Please see that we are all trying to make this easier. 

Nope. He is so upset.

Upset with the NOW. Upset about not being able to fish right THERE. No not five feet that way, he needs to fish right THERE. And when we explain to him we can’t go THERE that we will get stuck. We will run aground. It is too shallow, he cries and cries. “I never get what I want. You don’t understand.”

He says he’s hungry!

YES! I  got this. But he won’t eat anything I make. All of his favorites. He only wants ONE thing from ONE place and that place is in the city and we are far from the city. 

So again screaming and crying. A real cry.

We are all just trying and trying. All we wanted was to have ONE day as a family. ONE day. We wanted to make Jacob happy, but instead, he is so unhappy. 

The boat isn’t much fun right now.

We tried.