It started with a pen. When we met, Steve always had a certain pen on him. It was a fancy looking pen, it had weight to it. And he always had it on him. It only took a few dates until I learned this pen was not just a “pen,” it was a a weapon. It could stab someone, take them out. But he was not happy with it. He felt that you had to get too close to the attacker to be able to strike, which is unsafe.

Alrighty.

This ain’t no average Jewish boy.

And then I learned he owned guns. Not a gun, but, guns. He had a collection. I did NOT like this. This made me uncomfortable. I made this clear. I never saw these guns as they resided in Florida, but I was unhappy about it. He knew that. 

He ended up selling all of his guns to buy me my wedding band. Ahhh isn’t that romantic. Whole new spin on “blood diamonds.” 

But I get why Steve had guns. Steve had guns because the rest of the world has guns. He is the first to tell you that. He has no interest in guns, he only HAS to be interesed in them because they exist. And, therefore, he needs to know everything about them. 

And Steve has logic. “In a time of complete chaos the two things you want,  gold and weapons. What you can’t buy with one you can buy with the other.” To not have a weapon is to be unprepared. To not provide. To be in chaos. Steve’s nightmare. 

And he is not alone. There are loads of people who own these weapons because “they have to.” Do you know that the NRA only represent 5% of gun owners. 5%!!! AND did you know that the NRA hardly even has money? 

BUT Do you know what the NRA does have? A VOICE. They speak. They stomp their feet.

 And why would such a poorly funded minority have a voice? Because they are the only ones talking!

We don’t unite, even the RATIONAL majority of gun owners don’t unite.When polled most gun owners see no reason for such things as assault weapons, they don’t even see the purpose of a hand gun. To “defend your property” or to live up to the constitution a single shot rifle would suffice. But the rational gun owner buys all the crazy guns because the irrational man has the ability to. And now we have Guns. And now we have 393 million guns! Yes that number is correct. This is just insane.

I digress…

All I’m trying to do is right down a memory that makes me smile, the baton! But lately all my memories take me to dark places.

So Steve has always been on hunt for the perfect weapon that he can carry since guns are out. Steve has a few special people who he trusts for counsel. He has a selected few. I can name them on one hand. A select few who are as crazy as him. They research even a toothbrush before purchasing. They are vessels of knowledge and most like Steve prepare for life and death daily. Therefore, their vocations are all different, but yet the same, high stakes. Steve calls upon these people for verification or perspective when making important decisions. One gave it him the solution….(drumroll) a baton.

And he came home beaming about his baton. You need to realize that this was big news. It took months of research. 

And all I could do was laugh. I just laughed and laughed. I could picture it so clearly. Steve in the middle of chaos with a baton. Now I know he was talking about a police baton, but that is not what I visualized. I visualize a baton that has streamers and even glows.The entire stick is a glow stick so when he spins it, it looks like fire.  And I see a band behind him. I see him marching everyone down the street.

Da Da Da da dadadaaaa Da Da Da Da Da DAaaaa Daaa Da Da Da (That is my circus music). 

This is the best.

I always tease Steve about this baton by marching in place and pretending to twirl. I even throw my fake air baton in the air and catch it, because it makes me so happy and he laughs. Makes me happy that this is our family weapon. The baton! How perfect.

It is truly the best weapon.

Can you imagine in a chaotic moment of Steve’s nightmares?! The sky is literally falling, people are running, screaming, pushing each other out of their way, and there is Steve Brody, with his glowing baton?! He is twirling. Wouldn’t you stop and follow him?! How could you not?! There is Steve Brody and he has a light a beaming lighted baton. Seems a bit odd, but so right.

And who is going to shoot the nut twirling?! That crazy person with a gun would think you are a mad man and keep their distance. And we all join him. We are the band. You know what he is capable of. He has a perfect shot, but he chooses to twirl and we all fall in line and twirl too. 

Da Da Da Da Da Daaaaaaaa….

The baton is absolutely the way to go. Kill them with love. Kill them with a spin. Mesmerize them with your leadership. You hold the baton!