Last night was our anniversary. I know in your time it was July 21st, but it was July 24th in our time. We decided it was our anniversary. You get to do those sort of things in our time. We needed to reconnect and celebrate NOW.
We almost didn’t.
Hunkering down is not easy. I don’t love being indoors. I go a bit crazy and we aren’t even at zero yet. Jacob will be at zero immunity, but not yet. Its a long road. Just one cycle feels like a marathon.
We were hunkering and Steve…so busy. So busy doing “stuff.” Always asking me questions. Questions about nothing.
“What size should the rug be? I think XX, do you agree?”
And I always say “yes.” Because I really do mean “yes.” I’m not NOT listening, although I can now understand how it can feel that way. Steve probably thinks he is alone in some of this. He does it all. Abby doesn’t even opine. I don’t engage.
I just don’t care. I don’t even care that we have a rug and I have full unwavering trust in my husband if he has an opinion and needs one. He has to live with this rug too, right? So YES. YES. To whatever you are asking. YES.
Just stop asking.
I seriously don’t care.
But he just works and asks me stupid questions as we hunker. He wants to talk about the kitchen table. Remember we are living without furniture. He is just operating all the time. Doing “ops” in our apartment like he is at work, but missing the bigger picture. Missing how our family needs him to be mentally present and not doing. How we need him. How I need him.
I shut him down for a bit. Told him I needed some space in our hunkered experience, but then he “subscribed.”
I got an email that said he had “subscribed” to my blog.
So we cried. I’ve seen Steve cry now 2 times in our 10 years together. It does not happen often. He was in real pain. We talked and we reprioritized a few things on Steve’s task list. We threw out half of it, because it REALLY doesn’t matter. And he agreed.
So it was time to change things up and this meant celebrating our anniversary even though that going out to your world was the LAST thing we wanted to do, but we choose life, we choose to celebrate the life we built together.