Dear Playmobile

Dear Playmobile,
On behalf of ALL of us, all the parents of the world, I am reaching out to give you some feedback. You SUCK. Your instructions are disabled as the word “instruct” means that they say actually something, you teach. However, these “instructions” have ZERO words and are drawn to not instruct, but for me to infer. Infer whatever the fuck you have in your sadistic brain. Your diagrams require a magnifying glass. Seriously at one point, I needed a magnifying glass. All the pieces look alike and for the first two steps, I had to open 3 different bags, each full of a zillion little pieces (that of course can roll and get lost). And to build it you need TOOLS and the strength of a giant. There is nothing appropriate in this box for a child nor an adult. 

BUT your box is all shiny. It shouts immediate fun inside! It says “I’m for you kid!”

My child opens it to find just loads of pieces, nothing whole, nothing whole, just TINY parts. Parts that make your head explode! Parts that an adult, and for sure not a child, can’t make whole. You ain’t lego (which for the record has impeccable instructions. You should go meet with them. Do some “best practices research.”)  I didn’t sign up to build. We signed up to play. PLAY! Aren’t you the PLAY MOBILE. You bring play? You make it MOBILE?!

This is false advertising and when Jacob is better, MTG has solved higher education, and neuroblastoma is cured, I’m coming after you. You are number 4 on my list. “Take PLAYMOBILE DOWN.” Or maybe better said, help you develop a product that is functional and communicates its needs correctly. I’m a teacher I can help.  You can reach me at abbylbrody@gmail.com. If I don’t hear from you, you will from me. Let’s say ten to fifteen years. 

But until then FUCK YOU.

Sincerely,

Abby Brody

I wrote this and wanted to send it in their “contact us” section, but its just another distraction. A distraction from my life. This whole thing is ridiculous. Our life is ridiculous.

I spoke to the pharmaceutical company AGAIN and AGAIN got passed from operator to operator and then…disconnected. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Why are people so bad at their jobs?!

WAIT! I know why. They have NEVER been prepared. I’m solving that. Mind the Gap is solving that. I went to work today. It was AWESOME. Really awesome. My team is awesome. I got to be human for 3 hours and I’m so proud of this work.

But it all disappeared when I came home and Jacob was holding a shiny box…

All I want to do is scream. Scream for Jacob (who is doing the BEST of ALL of us, but crying at the Playmobile build time). Scream for Benno. Scream for Steve. Scream for all of us. This can’t be real. This can’t be happening. 

Don’t get me wrong life had plenty of playmobile sets before, but now I have no room for their nonsense.  Out life doesn’t function like that. I don’t have time.

REAL life keeps drumming on. Evidenced by Playmobile. It’s still building parent torture experiments. The day to day hasn’t stopped. 

ALL the things that we used to deal with:

  • Getting the groceries
  • Appointments (dentist, chiropractor, hair, whatever!)
  • Scheduling the plumber
  • WORK both of our JOBS
  • Coordinating children schedules
  • Coordinating schedules with you
  • Texting
  • Email
  • Buying birthday presents (can we at least ALL stop that. Our kids have enough. They do not want). OR if that doesn’t seem fair, let’s have them make an amazon wishlist and we can get you whatever your child wants so you don’t have to spend your life with crap you don’t need. Anyone?!! 
  • Showering (showering you AND your children)
  • Brushing your teeth….

You get the point. Life keeps you busy. We are stressed with just that…

But now ON TOP OF IT, you add cancer, twice. On top of it all, you add cancer for your child. You add days in hospitals, you add anxiety, you add seeing your child’s hair trail around the house. It fucking sucks. 

I swear. I never swore this much. I’m a good midwestern girl.

However, according to a recent study, people who swear are smarter than those who don’t. So FUCK YEAH.

But I point out my misery not for you to have a pity party for me, but honestly, I deserve one. I recently learned that depression is a narcissistic disorder. “No one has it worse than me” disorder. So add that to my insta profile. “Educator, student, life enthusiast, and fucking narcissist.” Perfect. Complete. 

I only share this to ask you to be KIND to EVERYONE. Literally everyone. 

The stranger. The friend. The Family. Even that Uber driver that missed your turn. Don’t yell because you have NO IDEA what his/her life is like. You have no idea what he/she may have ON TOP OF IT ALL. 

Because if you pile on…you are just as low as playmobile. And they fucking suck. 

Join the Conversation

2 Comments

  1. We have a house full of Playmobile toys. Most of them abandoned. The one thing they got right is product marketing! High priced junk in a box. The outside of the box tells one story. The inside tells a different one. Stay strong, Abby! Keep fighting. We’ll keep sending you our love every day.

    Like

Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: